’Tis the season for mistletoe, dreidels, the late-night runs to the toy store after the kids have gone to bed.  Ahh, the holidays…. 

I remember the first year that my children received an allowance.  That meant they could save and shop for Christmas gifts on their own for the first time too. When Christmas morning arrived, they peeled downstairs eager to open gifts, but to my surprise, instead of wanting to rip the paper off their gifts, they wanted mom and dad to open the presents they had bought for us with their very own money.

Giving really did feel better than receiving! It wasn’t charity, but that Christmas they really did experience on a deep emotional level the true joy of thinking of others above and beyond one’s self. That was made possible because they had their own money. I urge parents to start allowance early so this and many more lessons can be taught.

The thought that counts

As children age, they understand money and its value better.  I was always keen on having them make homemade gifts for Christmas and not spend money at all.  I didn’t want the emphasis of the holidays to be on consumerism. But, by the time my kids were tweens and savvy money handlers, they persisted in asking me what I really wanted, saying they wanted to get me a “legitimate” (a.k.a. costs money) gift. 

I told them “I don’t need anything. I am content. I feel so privileged to have everything we already do.” I said, “If you really want to spend money, I’d like a donation made to the families of Darfur.” My daughter had to research how to make a donation to that cause so she went online and she learned of the terrible state of families living there.  She donated and felt good both about the gift to me, and knowing she was helping others. And it cost “real money.” Again she felt the sacrifice more  -- and a deeper sense of altruism – when the gift came from her treasured savings.

Every year, in addition to their wrapped gifts, I always find some interesting charity and donate in my children’s names and put a card in the tree telling them what I have donated to in their names. Last year I bought some chickens for a family in India, and volunteered at the Out of the Cold Shelter.  

Setting the example

Our children learn so much by observing how we conduct our lives, the choices we make, the values we express every day:“I don’t need things, I can help others,” …“I give my time and money to helping the community.”

Live by your values and your children are likely to adopt them as their own. Sure they can start learning about charity by giving cans to the food drive, or giving a gift to the Children’s Wish Foundation, but as your children get older and wiser in their financial literacy, there is a time for parting with one’s money in the name of others that is also a valuable lesson to learn. 
 


Alyson Schafer is a psychotherapist and one of Canada's leading parenting experts. She is the bestselling author of Breaking the Good Mom Myth, Honey, I Wrecked the Kids, and the recently released Ain't Misbehavin’. Alyson is also the host of The Parenting Show on Roger's TV and has shared her parenting expertise on the Montel Williams Show, CityTV’s Breakfast Television, and Global News.